28 days to Ashes

28 days to the Ashes so all you fixers going to the cricket here is some ammunition to equip you with those singing poms. Lukozade manages a printing company so we will get a 1000 copies to hand out before the match, to really serve it up to those pommie bastards.

These songs will need some practice so i will contact all Ashes Warriors by phone to arrange a practice session.

I have booked 10 convict costumes for the match so we are fully sorted.

All songs were provided by The Courier Mail.



The following are the lyrics to tunes from the Fanatics' Ashes Songbook
Are you ever gonna wash, pommie?


Tune: Rock DJ, Robbie Williams

How come you never wash pommie?
Is there a shower in your hostel?
When's it gonna stop, pommie?
We're so sick of that bloody smell.

How come you never wash pommie?
Is there a shower in your hostel?
When's it gonna stop, pommie?
We're so sick of that bloody smell.



Monty Panesar's Useless

Tune: My old mans a dustman

Monty Panesar useless, a poor old English chap
& when he's not spin bowling, he's visiting the quack.

He's useless in the covers, he's useless in the slips
And when he straps the pads on, he'll pass out with the yips



Cheer Up, Michael Vaughan

Tune: Daydream Believer

Cheer up Michael Vaughan
How bad must it be?
To be a - poor pommie person
Now you're watching on TV.


A Marvellous day for a moontan

Tune: Moondance, Van Morrison

It's a marvellous day for a moon tan
With white Reeboks & track suit pants
A fantabulous day for that moon tan
Matches your buck teeth & combi vans
Ever find that
Aussie women seem to run away
From your
Body odour & your tooth decay?



Mathew Hayden

Tune: Father Abraham

Matty Hayden had many fans
& many fans loved Matty Hayden
I am one of them & so are you
So lets all turn around
Drinking arm (repeat with actions for right arm)
(Repeat) batting arm (repeat with actions for left arm)
(repeat) dancing leg (repeat with actions for right leg)
padding leg, (repeat with actions)
fielding pose (repeat with actions)



Brett Lee

Tune: Can't take my eyes off of you

You're just too good to be true,
Can't take the ball off of you,
We love your fiery spells,
You bowl like Lillee not Nel
And when we're drunk at the bars,
We can't believe that you're ours,
You're just to good to be true,
Can't take that ball off of you...
do do do do (etc)

Marcus Tresscothick

Tune: Twist & Shout

You're stressing out Marcus now
(repeat) Stressing out Marcus
Stresscothick,
(repeat) Stresscothick,
Come on, come on, come, come on Marcus now
Come on Marcus now
Come on and work it on out
Work it on out

You know that stress is no good
Stress no good
You know you stress so bad
Stress so bad
We'll help you stress a little longer now
Stress a little longer
Can't get us out of your mind
(repeat) Well sweat it, sweat it, sweat it, Marcus now
Do do do do etc.



Dermot Reeve

Tune: Lola

He's got bad hair and an OBE,
Snorts white powder & got dropped from TV,
Our mate Dermie
whoa whoa whoa Dermie

Ode to a British girlfriend

Tune: Living Doll, Cliff Richard

Got myself a yawning, boring, pasty, nagging, whinging pom
Got to do your best to leave her just cause she's a whinging pom
She's got a lazy eye & big fat thighs from all those chips & pies
She's not the only boring, pasty, nagging, whinging pom