Monday, April 09, 2007
Health Question & Answer Session
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's
the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And Remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - a large cocktail in one hand - a large
joint in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and
screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's
the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And Remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - a large cocktail in one hand - a large
joint in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and
screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
Monday, April 02, 2007
the thong slap rears its ugly head again
But this time in QLD. Imagine my surprise when this photo turned up post a big weekend. Strangely none of us present have any memory of the event or what we might have been doing at the time. What the?
And the real question: Is he or isn't he? ....naked that is.
V Festival -Gold Coast - April 1st 2007
The V festival was hit the Gold Coast yesterday. Despite somewhat negative reports from our agents in Sydney, who had attended their festival the previous day, regarding lengthy queues and having to shit in their own hands due to lack of facilities, we encountered no such problems. The location was beautiful, didn't wait once for a toilet, drinks etc. Intermittant rain, but richard branson kindly supplied ponchos resulting in the whole crowd turning orange. Musical highlights: Groove Armada - Soulwax - The Pixies - 2ManyDJ's. Standout being the Pixies (top right photo) - these guys nailed it. The sound was amazing and it was just great to be under under stars going off to such an iconic band that have been around since we were 16. These guys are legends for a reason, and we experienced it last night. Groove Armada's light show was phenomenal and Soulwax ripped it. Contrary to belief there were no pooches which meant jimbo had secreted all his party favours internally for no good reason. But he was smiling. And no festy is complete without a vomit in the limo bus on the way home. Best managed spew into a poncho we've ever seen, Nardine. Fixers on site : Tyler, Shagga, Sal, Hound, nardine, paul, kym, buddha, jimbo, ben, jamesy, beardsely, michelle, jarvis cocker.
photos - middle left -> Gnarls Barkley - Bottom right -> Groove Armada and their sexy light show
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