THAILAND'S A TRIP!!!

Greetings from Patong, Phuket Fixers!

I must say it tis a joy to be back in Thailand. I have been getting a lot of joy laughing at the uniqueness of the Asian way of life and their attmpts to copy the west. This morning I receievd a letter from the front desk apologising for the "Brow Water". I have eaten way too much Fried Rice just because I love hearing "Flied Lie". And the Thai's get a huge kick out of my name because Tyler sounds just too close to "Thaila".

But this afternoon's little venture takes the cake.

After my last official meeting with the crew from The World (the cruise ship I was having meetings with) I waved goodbye to my clients on the streets of Patong and wondered what to do next? Since this was the relaxing end of the journey I thought I might start off with a 1 Hour Thai massage (bht$200 - aud$5.00 - $6.00). I walked into the first place I could find and was led upstairs to the top room of the establishment. I walked into an airconditioned room which was sectioned off by curtains. Each space was just wide enough to fit a single matress which was on the ground. Nothing strange so far as I have had many the massage and this is the norm.

There was the usual giggle and small groans comings from most sections which again didnt phase me as some of the positions in Thai massage can leave you out of breathe. I was told to strip and put on fishing pants which again wasnt out of place. Anyway, the Thai girl started at my feet and soon was massaging my legs and working her way up my body (still nothing strange). Some of the grunts got louder and the person next to me seemed to be out of oxygen. Wanting to get the most out of the massage I closed out all the background noise and concentrated on enjoying the massage. I had just found my zen when I heard whispered in my ear; "Hey Mister, massage pee pee?" I couldnt help but laugh at the realisation of the type of massage parlor I had just walked into. I smiled and said in the nicest possible way, "Madam only one girl gets to massage my pee pee and she unfortunately is not in Thailand." The Thai girl's face screwed up and she retorted "Your girlfriend never know Mister". I thanked the girl very much but said even though she was a very pretty girl I would have to turn her down. I really couldnt be bothered to go into the laws and notions of the self consciousness.

My massage finshed very quickly after that and I was hustled out of the parlor. Its been along time since I have been offered the ol Asian Happy Ending!

Back on the streets of Patong I very quicky mixed in with the DVD and imitation Armani Suit peddlers and slowly moved towards a bar for a cold Singha....

Ahhhh,,,,, Thailand, your a trip in every aspect..

PS - Excuse the spelling. I am in Thailand after all!!